Today’s Spotlight Author…M.B. Earnhardt… and what a coincidence…it’s her excerpt we are posting below.
M.B. Earnheardt is the author of Switch-A-Wish (to be released in Fall 2015) and the journalism program director at Youngstown State University in Ohio.
She has published stories for academic and news publications, but Switch-A-Wish is her first work of fiction.
M.B. grew up on a farm in Mahaffey, Pennsylvania. She earned a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Political Science, a Bachelor of Science Degree in Communication and a Master of Science Degree in Communication from Clarion University of Pennsylvania. Her Ph.D. is from Kent State University.
M.B. teaches media law, news reporting, imaging and design and advises the student newspaper at Youngstown State. She resides in Youngstown with her husband, Adam, and four children, Ella, Katie, Sadie, and Ozzie.
A thought from her editor:
“M.B. has been a dream to work with since we first spoke about Switch-A-Wish. This book was one I just did not want to let get away. The message it carries and the writing is so powerful and spot-on, I think it should be required reading for married couples.”
Don’t forget to come back tomorrow to see her amazing cover for her equally Awesome book!
Now, the promised excerpt…
“You have to stop it! I’m not kidding, I’m going to weigh five-hundred pounds if you don’t lay off the food and beer.” I’m irritated. “Isn’t my ass fat enough already?”
“No, it’s not, you’re getting too skinny. I love your ass.” He smiles and nods when he says this. “I’ve always loved your ass. Besides, I eat when I’m stressed and this is VERY stressful.”
I can’t win. I pick up the conversation where we left off. “So, what’s your theory?”
“Huh?” He lets out a short burp and then grimaces as he chases the shot with a drink of the beer. “Oh, yeah, the theory.” He wipes my forearm over my mouth. He’s making me look like a barbarian.
“Here’s a napkin.” Even when I’m a man, I’m still in mommy mode.
“Oh, sorry. Anyway, I think it was the wish last night. We had to be on to something this morning. It’s the only possible explanation.”
“So, we need to wish we were back to ourselves?”
“Yeah. I’m not sure it will work, but I think it’s a good place to start.”
“I agree. This is our best bet.”
I feel a full sensation in my bladder. I have to go to the bathroom. The white wine spritzer is going right through me. I think about walking back home to do this, but I can’t risk a second attempt at a mouth kiss from my mother-in-law. I don’t like to use public restrooms as a woman and I certainly don’t want to do this as a man. I suppose I don’t really have a choice. Even worse than being out in public looking like a very tall, bald man, is being a very tall, bald man who wets himself.
“Chris, I need to pee.” It feels like a secret.
“You know where the bathrooms are.” He’s gulping the beer looking at the television situated above my head.
“Yes, I know where they are, but I’m not sure about the proper protocol in the men’s room.” My bladder feels like it’s going to burst.
“Oh.” He sits down the beer and thinks for a minute. “Yeah, uh, I guess the first thing to keep in mind is that it won’t smell great.”
I already don’t like this.
“Second, if you have to pee, just use the urinal. If you go into the stall, everyone will think you’re pooping. Oh, yeah, if you see someone in the stall, he’s for sure pooping. Don’t go near him. It can get pretty ugly in there. So, like I said, use the urinal. Just pull out my dick and aim it at the bar of soap looking thing at the bottom. When you’re done, give it a good shake. And, if there is anyone else at the urinal, whatever you do, don’t look at his penis. That is strictly prohibited and considered VERY bad men’s room etiquette.”
After hearing all that, I think about skipping the whole thing and risking that mother-in-law mouth kiss, but I’m afraid it’s too late for that. Besides, if I can push a baby out of my vagina, I’m sure I can handle the awkwardness of a public men’s room.